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Hi, I'm Rose Russo. I'm a journalist, blogger and contributor to publications including The Sydney Morning Herald, The Punch, Mia Freedman's - Mamamia, Wendy Harmer's - The Hoopla, Kiki and Tea, and that newspaper you read on the train ride home, MX. This is my blog - The Budding Rose. I like to write about pop culture, relationships, politics, feminism, friendship and that thing we call life. To get in touch with Rose please email If you are George Clooney or Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, she is single.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Why do smart women fall for losers?

In life you are either attracted to Mr Big or Aidan Shaw. It's that simple. You are attracted to jerks who will screw you over and stomp all over you like a used cigarette, or you are smarter than that and fall for men who promise you the world. Mr Big wanted to tear Carrie's world apart. And he did. He could never truly love her because the only person he loved was himself. He could never give her what she wanted but of course he continued to pretend he did. He always kept her at arm's length and the moment he felt her getting too close he was on the first flight to Paris for "work". Have you ever dated a guy like this? I think it's safe to say we all have. We've all fallen for someone who is unattainable. Classic Mr Big material. Since I'm such a fan of Samantha quotes on this blog (who knew?) I'll throw another one in the mix - "The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you"Amen to that.

So why do us girls get involved with men who are so not right for us? All the warning lights appear but we somehow manage to just sail on past them. Is it our self esteem? Do we like to be treated like shit? I don't think so. Growing up I've always had an idea of what I have and haven't wanted in a partner. I guess this stems from growing up with divorced parents and realising that nothing really does last forever. But, I too fall off the wagon from time to time and get involved with people who are wrong for me. Wrong with a capital W. I'd like to hope that I am not the only one who makes mistakes like this. I think Carrie's character was written that way for a reason. Simply because we can relate to her flaws and her mistakes. How boring would it be to watch the main protagonist float through the series having fabulous relationships with top notch guys who always call her when they say they will, give her mind blowing sex every single time, and be the most attentive boyfriend ever imaginable on planet earth. Ha. I wonder if this man actually does exist. Although, it's safe to say that more often than not it's the woman who doesn't call, or give mind blowing sex or smoother her man with affection and attention. It depends who is carrying the torch I guess.

So do we just like drama? I think I'd rather curl up on the couch and watch other people's dramas than to actually feel like I'm in an episode of Melrose Place. In the second season of SATC, Carrie labelled herself as a masochist - the tendency to invite and enjoy misery of any kind, especially in order to be pitied by others or admired for forbearance. Masochist is quite a strong word but it does fit to some degree. Why else do women go back to partners who cheat on them, physically or emotionally abuse them or make them feel inadequate? I believe it is a power struggle that exists between the one who wants to be loved, and the one who loves feeling loved. As we move through different relationships in our lives I have witnessed myself and my friends switch roles from time to time. Just like Mr Big, Carrie and Aidan. Mr Big enjoyed feeling loved from Carrie without having to give anything in return just like Carrie was desperate to feel loved by him. Yet, Carrie played the opposite role in her relationship with Aidan and was unfaithful to him with Mr Big.  

Like Carrie declared in the last episode of SATC she was “looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love”. Is it possible to only feel this amount of all consuming love from someone who you can’t have? Of course we know the ending of the series with Mr Big telling Carrie she was “the one” and millions of viewers, myself included, would have been devastated if this didn’t happen. Well not everyone – I’m sure there were at least 1/3 of people who wish Aidan came out of the shadows on that dark Parisian night and knocked Mr Big out. I think it’s safe to say that a man as unattainable as Mr Big wouldn’t suddenly wake up and want to settle down. And who would want to settle down with Mr Big with his two failed marriages, unfaithful behaviour and let’s not forget his arrogant attitude?  
I think it’s about time nice guys stop finishing last and these arrogant, self absorbed morons take a long hard look in the mirror. Treating women with no respect is not okay, playing women is not okay and thinking you’re someone better than everyone else (therefore you say whatever you like) is not attractive. But, until these relationships stop being idealised in prominent TV series' it’s no wonder we find ourselves expecting less. Go for Aidan. He’ll strip your floors; run you a bath; give you time out; adore your friends and respect a woman’s boundaries. He is top notch. How about it Carrie? 



  1. I like this one ...

    But where are the nice guys and gals... World as i see seems to be full of cheats and what not ...

    and the topic header why do smart women fal for loosers well it works the other way round tooo .. why do genuine Men get to fall for the girls who are nothing but cheats ...


    Bikram's Blog

  2. Thanks for reading Bikramjit :)

    Yes I agree with you - it does work the other way round as well - smart men do fall for the wrong girls too.

    You just have to be picky I guess! And learn not to settle for less... life is tricky!

  3. i love wht u hv written and the way u hv interpreted the real world with SATC..